Your desk should represent you, and in the unlikely event that a stranger takes it over, we at CodeWritePlay want to help.
If you haven’t heard about Meta’s plans to roll out a new “hot desking” setup–meaning employees may soon need to fight to reserve a desk at their own place of employment–Yahoo Finance can bring you up to speed. Read how we became experts right here.
Has your Meta desk been compromised?
First, it’s important to establish whether or not you’ve truly lost control of your desk. Consider the following questions:
- Do you see unauthorized purchases on your desk? Items you don’t remember buying may be a cause for concern.
- Have you noticed new friends and family members you don’t know in the photo frames on your desk? Someone may be attempting to work at your desk to move funds to or otherwise benefit these individuals.
- Are you apparently already at your desk, but you don’t recognize yourself? This is the most common indicator of a compromised desk.
How to regain access to your compromised Meta desk
Thankfully, Meta has a procedure for disputing the decision to make your desk inaccessible to you. Find your nearest government-issued ID and take a selfie with it. Try to look as much like yourself as possible. Make sure all ID info is clear and uncovered. Try to make your hand not look PhotoShopped-in. You know what I’m talking about. Is the lighting just right? Awesome. You look great and unbothered at this particularly vulnerable time in your life.
You can upload this extremely sensitive photo to Meta in an effort to dispute your situation using your smartphone. You can’t exactly do it from your desk anyway. You’re right. That’s not funny right now. Sorry.
Anyway, this dispute process should allow you to communicate with a member of the secu–
Wow. Your appeal was immediately rejected and can’t be reversed. Did not see that coming.
It seems no one will stand up for the Confirmed Deskless. If they did, you’d probably steal their desk.
What to do now that Meta has accepted Desk You and rejected Actual You
If you happen to have a large social media following (Facebook doesn’t count) or inroads with any well-connected journalists, now is the time to get complaining. This will all unravel itself for you as if by magic when the buzz starts.
If you’re a normal person, welcome to the Metalessverse.
If history has taught us anything, a network of downtrodden Deskless will start to gather in the few untouched corners of social media, but most of them will have given up before you find them. Meta’s unflinching refusal to address the issue will open a vacuum of silence that scammers will be all too happy to fill, offering to recover any lost desk if you simply Western Union some cash to UnhackMcGee420 over on some third-party network, and no doubt, some folks will be victimized twice over it.
This is why our transition to the metaverse is so important: real buildings, seats, and toilets aren’t going to matter much longer. We’ll all be working and peeing in VR soon.
You’ll just need to sign in at your desk.
Todd Mitchell is a US Midwest-based comedy writer and game developer with bylines at Weekly Humorist, Fanbyte, Slackjaw, End of the Bench Sports, and more. He’s the author of Inside Video Game Creation, the founder of CodeWritePlay, and host of the GameDev Breakdown podcast. Follow him on Twitter @Mechatodzilla.