As a Great Lover of Cults, Elon Musk’s Twitter Could Really Streamline My Life

By now, you probably know that Elon Musk has set out to take over the world’s microblogging platform of choice. Many so-called “experts” seem to think this takeover would be a total disaster, but I don’t think they’re considering how perfect that disaster would be for me, an unwavering proponent of megacults.

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My Tamagotchi ruined me as a person

It was the end of the 1990s. The Tamagotchi had taken over the world, but sales were slowing for the first time. The conditions were perfect for the kids in our lower-middle-class area to grab one at a discount for the first time. Soon, I was 13 years old and struggling under the pressure to settle down and start a family.

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Developers: Please Enjoy These Free Loading Screen Messages for Your Next Game or WIP

Loading is inevitable in modern games. What started as simple notices that the game wasn’t broken has spiraled in all directions including (admittedly cool) looping animations, play tips, and eyeroll-worthy notices about “charging the hyperdrives” and “injecting extra FUN.” While this feature is almost inherently an afterthought, it doesn’t seem like a stretch to say the wrong loading message will almost certainly cause your game to flop and destroy your career.

But there’s good news! We’ve put together this list of free loading messages you can borrow to earn laughs and love from players. Enjoy!

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